Thursday, May 12, 2011

my damn house is gone if you want to call it a house.

bam bam bam bam!!!!!!
"is this the residence of John Macrackin, john we know your in there"
who the hell is this waking me up this damn early in he morning its like 12 pm.
a man in a black baseball cap stood in front of the door listening to the sounds with in the trailer tentatively. the baseball cap was low on his forehead shielding his eyes from the light and a clipboard rest on his right hip.
i open the door.
" im sorry sir but the residence you are living in is violating several health codes and you must vacate the premises"
"how can you tell me how to live this is america, we are free here!"
"its not you sir that we are worried about, its watershed heights"
there is a large infestation of rats and other critters living in your house. we are going to have to destroy your home at approximately 8 pm tomorrow night you have 24 hours to pack your belongings."
"but what about all my stuff, i've been living in here for years no, ever since i came back from over seas" this was the first tie i had ever felt powerless, pathetic. I started to tear up because a bead of sweat dripped into my eyes, well i want to blame it on the bead of sweat cause real men don't cry i ain't never cried in my whole life but i aint never had some one kick me outta my house, my home.

road kill pie

Now everyone knows what its like to live like me. I have never had power even when i was a kid, i was a mountain boy, if i want to see at night when i walk outside to pee i better light a candle. Shit i still use a candle when i go outside to pee, only difference is i am peeing on concrete apposed to leaves. hahaha look at all these nubes, no one is even using a candle they are all wondering around in one direction, i wonder where they are going. i stand up out of my fold up chair and i see a orangey light coming form the pie shops, do they have candles.

holy shit what is that smell, smell like my grandmas road kill pie, the best pie in the world!
ill never forget my first experience with finding the ingredients for the pie, i got to get the main part the filling but i cheated i will tell you. but first i will start from the beginning. grandma had sent me on a mission, similar to the ones i went on in nam, except it wasnt charlie i was looking for it was some road kill. now we lived in the mountains life i said before so there weren't many cars driven around on the road so it is pretty hard to find some road kill. i walked down the mountain about 40 miles and there was nothing. i really wanted to try to new form of pie but if i didn't get the filling then grandma would beat me and i would go to bed very hungry. i saw a rock on the side o the road and sat down taking a long swig from my canteen, the water was so refreshing. how was i going to find some road kill if no one is going to hit an animal. i know i will do it myself i will go into the ofrest and find me an animal kill it then bring it back to grandma.

it was starting to get dark so visibilty was scarce, then bam a streak of white rushed behind a bush. i start running after the animal not sure what i could be i pounce sa it darts from behind a tree, i got it, a nice a plump rabbit, i put him outta misery and start walking back to the shack singing i got me some road kill i got me some road kill, but then i start thinking i didn't even kill him on the road grandma will notice that there aint no dirt on em when i bring him inside. i drop the rabbit to the ground kick him around a few times and there we go problem solved. now later that night, damn best pie i ever had.

#8 The food

i feel pretty damn hungry, all i eat is crappy food, its like eating back in Nam. i think Im going to go get some waffles that would be good.

ten minutes later.......

Ding ding

i hate the way those doors ding when you walk in as if its necessary to announce to everyone "I'm here, I've come into the restaurant" maybe if the waiters pay attention they wouldn't need a damn bell, who is this little ginger walking towards me.

"how many are eating with you sir"
i look around, side to side. "how many you fucking think"
"one" he said
"Damn right"
"ok well ill show you to your seat then"
"ill show myself you damn hippy" i don't really like this place but i was in the mood for some breakfast kinda food.
"hahahahaha" two guys walk in the door laughing. How can someone be so happy, haven't they done anything important, have they not served our country, if so how could they be so gay, so gleeful.

the tow men sit own at a booth and look frantically for the waiter. hey brings them waffles and water. damn they look so happy. maybe its the waffles, maybe the waffles will make them happy.
"waiter" he walks over to me
Let me get what those guys over there got"
"coming right up"

five minutes later
the waiter drops the waffle on the table
took long enough i scream
i look down at the waffle the patterns strange similar to the war formations we used in Nam.
i take a bite and its dry and tasteless, how can these men across the room enjoy such a disgusting piece of food.

I am done with this place i am done with these waffles fuck paying for this i already served my country what have they done.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


I saw a man fighting with some asians about some sushi or somin, i say go america believe in what you believe in, we are free here, ready to fight ready for justice, id still be fighting if i had my leg, just me and my aussies. i think i'm going to go the bar. I enjoy walking down maple street, even though the fountain doesn't work its very nice, its much better then where i live, my abandon parking lot. the ground seems strange to me today maye its cause i drank a little to much last night, Burnetts has done me wrong once again, even though i am an american hero. Damn, this is a long walk, wait here we are. I miss the smell of this place, the dark damp feeling to it. Even though this place seems so depressing its nice, it makes me feel at home, like i should be here.
“Can i get a black and tan boy”
“thatll be ten dollars.”
“What the hell son, Ten dollars for a black and tan do you know who i am, im an american hero, i am one of your best customers.” the other bums in the bar started looking at me
“times are hard sir, i dont set the prices”
“Fine dammit” i reach into my pocket to feel absalutely nothing, no coins, no ciggerets, no money, no paper, i dont even have any lint. I am broke! i cant look bad in front of these people though i refuse to embarrass myself.
“you know what! I dont want your damn beer!”

Friday, September 3, 2010


MY god damn air conditioner brooke again. its hot hell balls in here, but hey its a cheap sana, its about to get moldy in here, maybe someone will clean it up. its like nam except my feet aint wet. i remember back in the glory days in the film industry i always had a sana in my trailer on set, maybe thats why i live in a trailer now, helps remind me of the good times the sexy times, or i could be because im just dead broke. God damn cockroach!!!! (splat)(john macrackin steps on bug). this place is a shit hole, my shit hole but still a shit hole, i need to go on a walk with my auzzies. HENRY HENRY!!!! (THATS MY FAV AUZZIE) my baby ready for a walk.

i hate the ground and how it looks how it just lets people step all over them, damn look at that fool with all the damn boxes in front of that dump water shed heights, is that a guy with those boxes, well ill be damn it is!!!!!! i wonder what the hell he is doing i might just have to take a looksies tonight. well imma start singing again

That I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I wont forget the men who died,who gave that right to me. And I gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA.

Later that night:
damn thats a shit load of mold, this guy is crazy, and i thought i lived in a shit hole. wait he can take care of my mold well ill just leave him a little leter asking fo him to take my mold

Dear Mold Man,
i gpt lots of mold and such you may like come take a looksy at my sweet trailer in the abandon lot.

Note left on moldy door

Friday, August 20, 2010

My Leg, Guns, Liqueur, and Ostridges

I dont like how the clouds just sit and float so lazy like, they don't even serve no purpose all they do is give us rain and water, who needs thems. we are in god damn America, home of the brave and free. All we need is brewski in the stomach, bullets in my gun, and gas in my super duty full tun extended cab 4x4 titin truck. What have those clouds been done to fight for our lady liberty, the sweet balls of freedom, hell she took MY LEG, took my career. They dont do shit just sit there, they dont know pain. You know i used to be a star, oh how the ladies loved me, they loved me so much, i loved me so much. i was the top adullt film entertainer in the united states. then the letter came in, the dreaded letter. Yes, i got drafted to Vietnam. i thought at first this could be good for my career, boost my masculinity, make me more ruff and tuff. But instead i cam =e back a handy cap. look at me now, living in an old hitch trailer in a vacant lot. one thing i do know is that im proud to be an American!!!
(Breaking into song) That I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I wont forget the men who died,who gave that right to me. And I gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA. i sing that song every day as i walk down Kush Lane for my morning stroll with my favorite Ostridge, especially in front of that Vietnamese restaurant. it makes me grateful to know i have my Ozzies (aw-zees), thats what i call my Ostridge's, my little babies. I built a pin for them, attached right to the side of me home. its time for me to walk to gun and liqueur store, practically my second home.